tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88444737833424673232024-03-05T14:07:04.547-05:00accept. embrace. live.Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.comBlogger179125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-12211078788352716302011-11-28T11:36:00.003-05:002014-10-16T00:13:19.841-04:00one?So it's been three weeks since my surgery. Dr. Brassard and his staff were wonderful. Absolutely the right choice for me. Made quite a few new friends, friends whom (who? whom? I never know for sure) I hope to keep. I'm not inclined to go into the details of my time there or my recovery... it is all private and precious. Let it suffice to say that my recovery is where it's supposed to be at this Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-17865672345548632382011-11-04T17:13:00.003-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.262-05:002 days.I took today off from work to finish up odds and ends before I head to Montreal tomorrow morning. Expected that it would be somewhat of a frantic day, but it's not turned out that way. Have been working on my "to-do" list all week, and I got everything done that I wanted. The recovery supplies are purchased. The freezer is stocked with homemade veggie lasagna, mini meatloaves, spaghetti sauce Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-9615557421234474372011-11-01T12:01:00.001-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.307-05:00a vacation, sort of.I've been thinking about vacations a lot lately. Trying to figure out when my last real vacation was, at least in the way that I think about vacations. Didn't take one this summer, or last summer. Or the summer before that, unless you count taking the kids to visit family for a week. Which I don't. Before that, my X and I took a trip in 2004 (yes, 2004) to San Diego. I suppose that was a vacationFalinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-17791212780402864222011-10-28T10:58:00.003-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.261-05:00an unexpected change, part II.Months ago I wrote about how it appeared that my sexual orientation changed from that of a straight man to that of a straight woman. For the past year-and-a-half or so, I've solely been attracted to men. To be certain, these attractions were purely physical attractions, and for the most part, still are. As I've developed emotional connections with women through my transition, I've always wonderedFalinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-284981323874103592011-10-27T22:00:00.001-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.275-05:0010 days.I had to go look at the calendar before I wrote the title for this post. It doesn't seem possible that my little countdown timer went from 120 to 10 so quickly. I have moments here and there where it hits me, like today at work. I'm rolling off our project when I go for surgery, and will start with a new client when I return. I was talking to our project architect about some knowledge transfer Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-17871207984688893682011-10-21T10:45:00.006-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.264-05:00how about a nice game of chess?I wonder what you all think you're accomplishing.Pretty much every blog in which I have any interest whatsoever these days, at least in the comments' section, has degraded into a cacophony of voices screaming at each other and accomplishing absolutely nothing. Whether you're a transsexual separatist, a crossdresser, a transsexual who identifies as transgender, a transgender person, someone who Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-66768870743850035842011-10-15T07:47:00.003-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.294-05:002-Shoes and out.I ruptured my Achilles tendon almost three years ago while playing basketball. It sucked. I couldn't walk for three months, couldn't do all the things that a person with a normal Achilles tendon takes for granted. It took me 30 minutes to get groceries up the stairs. I wanted to go get a takeout pizza, but I had no way to carry it. Couldn't workout or run or bike or swim Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-88519837314635554162011-10-09T18:55:00.003-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.305-05:0028 days.I had a post up here a couple days ago entitled "30 days." which came off a little more depressing-sounding than I intended, so I removed it. So now we have this one. Apparently I've released myself from the pressure of coming up with interesting blog titles. :) The week was stressful. I had a good cry on Friday afternoon, which I *really* needed. That sums up Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-71655354362800919412011-10-05T20:51:00.003-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.297-05:00disjecta membra.This morning, I woke up crying. I've no idea what I was crying about in my dream, but when I woke up I was crying. The pillow was wet. That's never happened to me before, at least that I recall. I tend to try and find meaning in such things. I suppose it means I'm stressed and upset. I find that I'm overly jumpy lately, too. A month and change ago, I came home at lunch to find that motion Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-41868973193253523262011-09-28T07:19:00.006-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.282-05:0040 days.Surgery is in 40 days. You've probably not noticed it, but about three months ago, I put a little countdown timer at the bottom of my blog. It's hard to believe that it's gone from 120 to 40 so fast. Still very surreal. Between thoughts on surgery, wondering how I will get through the holidays, and the full-day custody trial scheduled for mid-January, my next 4 months will be about little elseFalinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-18094774411268468972011-09-28T00:01:00.001-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.266-05:00i can deal with this.Before my first consult to get my hair done, about 18 months ago, back when it was reminiscent of an inverted grey mop, I had a couple minutes to kill beforehand and stopped at the drugstore. Some guy started talking to me in line about how he didn't have much to do that night. It took me a minute to realize that he was hitting on me. At the consult, I related this anecdote with surprise to myFalinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-4609922974247125332011-09-26T11:07:00.011-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.283-05:00friends with him, not her.Over the course of my transition, although no one has (overtly) rejected me, over time, friends and the relationships have faded away to the point where other than a precious few people, we're friends in the Facebook sense only. I try to do my best to understand and realize that I'm not the same person I was before and that people were friends with him, not her. I also think removing myself Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-5731437194425374682011-09-14T22:49:00.007-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.286-05:00wow, just wow.Did you ever have one of those nights that, despite the fact that you don't necessarily need validation anymore, absolutely validates everything you're doing, and makes you smile so big that your cheeks hurt? That was tonight for me. I don't even know if mere words can do justice to the way I'm feeling right now.Tonight was one of our quarterly All Hands Meetings at work. They go over businessFalinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-37633832578919532532011-09-13T07:55:00.004-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.280-05:00someday, you'll know.Is it worth it? Worth it for who? Me?Probably, but I can't say for certain.I don't have the perspective yet to answer. I wouldn't feel right answering until "it" is long past, which won't be for a while.So far it's cost me $50,000, my relationships with my family are extremely strained, I'm in the middle of a legal battle with my ex-spouse to stay in my children's lives, and I'm currently in Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-62078258326763355402011-09-11T11:57:00.005-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.289-05:00coffee soldiers belly. hmmm.My "arms" post was a little down-sounding. Yeah, I'm lonely, but I don't need to sound so depressed about it. I heard this song on the radio for the first time yesterday and instantaneously loved it. Similar sentiment, but more optimistic. I couldn't help but smile as I bounced along in the car to it. I don't know that I've ever had such a reaction to a song before, from the Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-31082151994341894752011-09-02T07:25:00.005-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.278-05:00a call for arms.A got an email from a friend last night, said friend asked me about the motivation behind it. The idea behind my last post got away from me a bit. The comments somewhat took it further away from the point which I did a lousy job of elucidating in the first place. The point of my last post was *not* to assert my validity as a transsexual woman, nor was it to assert the non-validity of others. Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-78346785713772746552011-08-31T07:04:00.005-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.302-05:00you're straight? ewwww.....I had an appointment for my second surgery letter a few weeks' back. This appointment was with a well-known provider who has been working with trans people for over 20 years. She was going through her standard list of questions, and she asks me, "So, you've had FFS." "No, no I haven't." Her eyes popped out of her head. She wrote something down on her bad and shook her head incredulously. I Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-67014330156667123042011-08-30T08:19:00.006-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.295-05:00color me serious.There's a new term which I've seen in the past couple days, designed to criticize and/or belittle transsexual women like me. If you go over to Jenny's blog, she's coined a new one... "Serious Transsexual." A somewhat tongue-in-cheek phrase to describe women like me, I suppose women who go through the Standards of Care, women who take their transitions seriously. I'm forced to Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-217083030902815672011-08-27T19:34:00.005-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.269-05:00nesting, sort of.Women who are pregnant sometimes experience what's known as the nesting instinct, the urge to prepare a home for the incoming newborn. They clean, they organize, they decorate. They have their husbands paint the nursery (paint fumes and pregnancy is a no-no). They buy new sheets despite the fact that they have perfectly good ones due to the insatiable urge to have new, clean Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-59585443451494599682011-08-23T23:47:00.004-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.287-05:00in which I calmly vent.As you've no doubt heard a million times today, we had an earthquake. For an encore, Mother Nature will throw Hurricane Irene at us this weekend. Events with the potential to screw things up. So I'm taking this opportunity to vent about some of the things which are screwing with my head these days. I'll be having surgery in about 2 1/2 months and while it's obviously a Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-1845528022164610482011-08-09T21:25:00.019-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.267-05:00fight.I have had this blog in draft for a while, months, actually, but never posted it. It seems appropriate now.I've read quite a few blogs by women in similar situations to mine; transitioning with young children and an ex-spouse who is less than supportive. What I haven't read in several of these blogs is how they are fighting. Fighting for their children. The ex threatens to take them to court Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-5259387366505783082011-07-28T06:59:00.002-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.285-05:00the less exclamation points, the better.Funny how things change.I recall early in my transition, where every "new" thing was met with an ecstatic-sounding blog entry. I went to the MALL!!! I used the restroom!!! I got a PEDICURE!!! All, of course, are huge things at the time. Last night I did another new thing, one that truly is a big deal and says lots about how far I've come in the less than 2 years that I've been transitioning.Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-87809171490961790872011-07-25T18:33:00.005-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.304-05:00put 'em in the stocks!!!So, this poll on T-Central. In case you missed it, in the past week-and-change, T-Central has featured posts by:a misogynist who has stated that he likes neither women nor transsexuals. I suspect 95% of the people on T-Central fall into one or both of those groups.a natal female radical feminist trans-hater who uses a sham "blog policy" to delete any and all comments that she doesn't agreeFalinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-24887147391034520432011-07-23T21:48:00.005-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.270-05:00knock knock!The local incumbent for our county Board of Supervisors is a right-wing extremist who has referred to people like me using "it." He hates homosexuals, hates trans people, hates immigrants, hates Muslims, on and on. Basically, if you're not a white male, you're out of luck. He's been entrenched on the Board for years, mostly out of apathy and/or ignorance of the populace. Anyway, last night I Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8844473783342467323.post-26134523199244871562011-07-18T22:22:00.002-04:002012-11-26T09:56:41.274-05:00a $90 pick-me-up.OK. My ex-wife seems intent on driving me absolutely batty, so I need to write about something that will: a) put a smile on my face and b) use as few brain cells as possible. So please excuse me if this post sounds like it has come straight out of the PINK FOG.I went shopping this evening for some birthday presents for my kids. About 8 months ago, my son saw a picture of a truck with a Falinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07006373893076810290noreply@blogger.com7