accept. embrace. live.

My daughter starts kindergarten on Tuesday, and tonight is Back to School night.  It's a parents-only thing, an hour long.  I am having some angst about how I am going to present.  I spoke with the school principal last week to let her know about our alternative family situation, and S's teacher and the school counselor are aware.  The principal was nothing but friendly and supportive, and even implied that I was not the first transgendered parent they've had.  She asked me if I was going to be at the back-to-school night and when I said yes, she said to make sure I introduced myself.  I suspect that the main reason I'm unsure, is that so far, the kids and I have been inside this little bubble.  I take them grocery shopping as myself, to the park as myself, but there's no meaningful interaction with anyone else, other parents, my kids' friends, etc... no one else who is in my kids' lives.  Presenting as me at the kids' school, crosses a new, scary line.  All the other lines I've crossed just had the potential to impact me.  This one has the potential to impact them.

What if some Mom starts chatting me up tonight?  My ex-wife won't be there and people will think I'm a Mom.  I'll just say something like, "My daughter S. is starting kindergarten."  On one hand, I'd love to talk with the other Moms.  On the other, I just feel like I ought to go, listen to the information, and get the heck out of Dodge.  What if they read me, and freak out?  My ex, a couple weeks ago, on the phone, asked me, "Well, what will you do if people refuse to allow S and/or G to play with their kids?"  I doubt that would happen, but it's possible, I guess.  The other thing I am afraid about, if I am being honest, is my ex-wife's reaction, when I tell her that I went as myself.  When we were together, and for the first couple years of our separation, I was basically afraid of her.  I'm more or less over that, but there is obviously some residual fear hanging around.  Need to let that go.

I'm pretty sure I will end up going as myself.  And "myself" includes being smiley and friendly and outgoing.  Most, well, all, of the stuff I've worried about thus far, has not come to fruition.  Maybe this will be just a big giant non-event, and this evening I'll come back to this post, re-read it, and wonder why I was so paranoid.