accept. embrace. live.

I ruptured my Achilles tendon almost three years ago while playing basketball.  It sucked.  I couldn't walk for three months, couldn't do all the things that a person with a normal Achilles tendon takes for granted.  It took me 30 minutes to get groceries up the stairs.  I wanted to go get a takeout pizza, but I had no way to carry it. Couldn't workout or run or bike or swim with my friends.  A very frustrating and lonely time.  While one is going through something like this, it's helpful to find support in others experiencing the same.  So I joined an Achilles recovery support site in which each member of the site blogs about her or his experiences.  It was great while I was going through the process.

On the site, you have a drop-down list where you indicate what stage of the recovery you're at: NWB (non weight-bearing), PWB (partial), FWB (full), 2-Shoes (out of the "boot" and walking normally). Everyone is anxious to get to the next "stage," and with longing and sometimes jealousy, we read the stories of people who were a stage or two ahead. Once someone gets to the "2-Shoes" stage, they don't blog much, and typically leave the site altogether shortly afterwards. I mean, what's the point, right? No one gets pissed or upset when people leave the "achilles community." They understand that the goal is a normal life, and when you're done, people are happy for you. You're not branded a traitor.  I mean, that would be ridiculous, right? Of course it would.

Anyway, I had surgery for it, I recovered, and I got back to normalcy.  The sutures they use are called "Ticron."  They're non-absorbable, meaning they will always be in there.  So there's a bit of artificiality to my tendon now, and there always will be.  Despite this, I don't refer to my Achilles as my Neoachilles, or Neotendon.  There will always be small hesitations here and there... if I jump, will it re-rupture?  If I run too fast or play tennis or play basketball, will it re-rupture?  I do my best to put these aside and do whatever physical activity I like.  I can't let this change the activities I enjoy. There were a couple side effects which will be with me forever; for example, the leg still isn't as strong as the other one, and there is some lingering numbness in that foot.  I think these side effects are likely permanent.  Nonetheless, it's just a tendon, like anyone else's.

I don't think of myself as post-Achilles, or as a post-ruptured person. It'd be silly to define myself that way, I think. At any rate, I got the medical problem fixed and proceeded to live my life. And that was that.