Note: I originally posted this on PinkEssence, as a response to a thread where a few women were talking about their collective misery when occasions like weddings, prom, etc. came up.  One of them even left her own sister's wedding her out of self-pity.  That's not my thing.  I hate it.  I hate it because I engaged in it for a while, back in the day.  Anyway, the post was very... umm, let's go with, "popular," generated almost an unprecedented amount of comment, and was reposted on Facebook by the owner of PE.  I think the advice in it applies to a lot wider circle of people than transgender people...

I didn't want to hijack the weddings/prom thread. I doubt this blog is going to be very popular around here, but I really don't care...

Get over yourselves.

Yes, it sucks that we weren't born female. It's not fair that we haven't gotten the experience of being a bride, or going to that high school prom. But, that's not the fault, or problem, of the women who do have those experiences. The answer to our dilemma is not sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, is not leaving halfway through our own sister's wedding, not feeling sad everytime we are asked to share in someone else's happiness.

And them in the next breath, we lament "why, oh why, can't they accept me and just be happy for me?" It is not reasonable, or fair, on our parts, to expect people who we seemingly can't be happy for, to be happy for us. Often, I've heard people outside the trans community refer to transgender people as selfish, narcissistic, self-centered, etc. I'm sorry, but stuff like this perpetuates that stereotype.

I've been jealous, sometimes angrily jealous, of women, for my entire life. It affected my relationships with my mother, my sister, and my friends. That is not their fault. It is mine, and mine alone. I've learned to let that go and allow myself to be happy for others, and all the aforementioned relationships are better for it. The point where this gets to be a problem IMO, is when it starts affecting those around you. People are bound to see your unhappiness at these sorts of events. Who wants to be around someone like that? There were times when I had that attitude, and people didn't want to be around me, and I don't blame them. When I came out as trans to my mother, she had somewhat of a come-to-Jesus talk with me about these very issues. She was a bit harsh, but she forced me to think, and come to the conclusion that I would get a lot more back from people, if I was truly and sincerely able to give, for no other reason, than to give. It was tremendously helpful.

You'll get a lot more back, if you give. Food for thought.


Wow. The "selfish, narcissistic, self-centered" part is...sadly true. I don't agree as you know, but it's sad that people think that way.

This applies to so many relationships and situations. You always get the best out of others when you give them the best of yourself.

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When I transitioned, there just weren't too many blogs out there written by straight, transitioned women. Well, here's one.

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