accept. embrace. live.

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.... And I will try to fix you.
- Coldplay

2010.  What to say?  Wow, I've done a lot of "fixing me" this year.  I remember back in the springtime, I was emailing with my sister... we're both big Coldplay fans, and she mentioned "Fix You."  Not in a trans context, but in a "this is a great song" context.  I hadn't listened to it in a while, so I went and watched the YouTube video.  When it got to the part where the guitars kick in and Chris Martin starts running, the emotions overcame me and I watched the video over and over and over, tears streaming down my face, as the song lyrics go.  I still can't watch that video without getting emotional, which is how I like it.

On BT, my triathlon website, my NYE blog ended with this: "I think that 2010 will also be a good year, and I think it might end up being one of the most important years of my life."  Pretty accurate, no?  There are times when I look back at what I've accomplished over the past 365 days, and it's hard to believe.  It's hard to believe that I've actually done this after so many years of wishing that I could, or would.  This morning, I mostly feel proud.  There are lots of things I'm proud of this morning, so pardon me while I gratuitously pat myself on the back for a moment.  :)

I'm proud...

• that I've stood up for myself in the way that I have.
• that I'm a great parent.
• that, when dealing with others, I've managed to balance respectfulness of others' feelings with assertiveness of my own.
• of my family and friends, for being the loving and accepting people that they are.
• that I am gaining respect in the community through this blog, and my position as an administrator on PE.
• that I've kept virtually all of my old friends, and made many new ones.
• that I'm now in a position to help others who might be where I was a year or more ago.
• that I've given myself a fighting chance at happiness.

My first introduction to Blogistan was a blog that I found when Googling "Electrology 3000."  I was led to this one particular blog.  I read the electrolysis stuff... then kept on reading, eagerly digesting every word about her transition.  I related to so much of it.  Hmm, maybe I can actually *do* this.  Perhaps it is possible.  I noted that she lived in my area and thought, "huh, you never know, maybe we'll cross paths someday.  That would be cool."  As it turns out, tonight I'm celebrating New Year's Eve by going over to her place and watching her and her partner be married.  There's something very synergistic about that.

To be certain, there is still lots of "fixing" ahead in 2011.  I need to take care of myself better from a physical standpoint. There are surgeries ahead.  My voice is abominable.  I'd like to start doing some volunteering and/or find ways to help other transsexual people.  There are some steps I need to take at work to further my career.  And of course the mental transition will continue long after the last hair has been zapped from my face.

But today is a day to take it all in, look back with wonder on all that 2010 has brought, and look forward to the future.  Happy New Year, Blogistan!!  :)