I don't really want to stop writing. I enjoy it. Perhaps this blog will evolve away from the day-to-day minutia of transitioning and more about issues. There are a lot of super-intelligent people here in Blogistan and I like the interaction with them. So, I write.

All of a sudden, I find myself attracted to men. I can think of five at the moment, in fact. Jillian over at Patent Pending asked people a few days back about their orientation, had it changed? Had it stayed the same? I commented that it appeared that mine had changed. Other commenters said that they were now attracted to men, which was different than before transition. One commenter, Vanessa, was VERY ADAMANT that it was BUILT-IN and WOULD NOT CHANGE. For anyone. No counterexamples. EVER. With large amounts of all-caps and such. She knew this incontrovertible fact about me after reading one paragraph that I wrote. I wasn't sure why she appeared to have such an interest in this, to be so adamant about it.

So is our sexual preference (the hell with the language GLAAD recommends, I see no "T" in "GLAAD") changing? Was it always built-in and we just didn't realize it because of all that we were enduring, as Vanessa suggests? Or is it changing, as my experience suggests? I talked to this guy in the kitchen the other day and when I got back to my desk, I was downright giddy. Totally attracted to this guy. A complete 180 from my old self. It doesn't seem possible that this was always inside me, yet suppressed. Prior to transition, I'd never so much as looked at a guy on the street and thought he was cute. My brain just didn't work that way.

There's only one reason I can think of that a person would be insistent on this to the point of obstinance. If it's possible for someone's orientation to change, all of a sudden those evangelical Christians who claim they can "cure" you of homosexuality have some ammunition. Lady Gaga won't be able to sell as many records. The whole "Born This Way" thing would go out the window. I'm not giving them ammo, though. Here's why. I never made a choice to change. It just happened. I can't even point to the hormones as the genesis of all this. The first time I felt this new attraction was BEFORE I even started taking hormones. I have no idea why this happened... it just did.

What to make of folks like me, then? My own reality contradicts the "Born This Way" theory. I wasn't born this way. I don't like the thought that my experience could aid and abet those who claim that sexual orientation is a learned behavior. Here's my out... it's a fact that I didn't make a choice to be attracted to women earlier in life and I am not making a choice to be attracted to men now. It can change and it is not a choice. I do not agree with Vanessa that sexual orientation is built-in and unchanging for all people. At the same time, I do not agree with preachers who say that one can willingly change. Based on my experience, those two ideas are not in conflict.

P.S. After I posted this, I went back over to Patent Pending and saw that a new comment had been added by Dana... "I have to agree with Vanessa. It is already in you, and cannot be changed. It is just simply your own personal deveiopment as a person, and a realization. Otherwise then I guess the ultra right wing Christian evangelists are right..."

Mmm hmm. Yeah, that's what I thought.


Well done in this post and in your comment on Patent Pending. I'm sorry if something that's true is politically difficult, or even unpalatable, but what's true is true, regardless. And I think you have done a MASTERFUL [sic] job of refuting the "reparative therapy" people. Our sexual orientation can change, but it's nothing we choose. It just is. And sometimes was and shall be.

I mean, really, you might not want to admit to an attraction, but your body doesn't lie. And if your body wasn't getting excited about men before and is now, then your body is telling you something.

Are you entirely sure you aren't doing this just to make an even bigger fool of Michael Bailey? After all your current sexual preference contradicts his totally scientifical theory about transsexuals. Kind of piling on considering all he's going through, isn't it? ;-)

Seriously, I dunno what's in the water now versus what was in before, but most of the MTF transsexuals I know are into guys now, and were into girls before. Hetero to hetero with an interesting twist in the middle. But somehow the generally accepted knowledge, as you've encountered, says this doesn't happen. Well maybe it never did before, but it sure is happening now!

Someone has an agenda in play, and I don't think it's people like yourself.

The simple fact is that we are different from the gays and lesbians. They do not go through the huge changes that we undergo.

Prior to transition, I wasn't the least bit attracted to men. Then, only a few months into transition, that all changed... and like you, I was not yet on HRT. Now, years later, I am living with and engaged to a wonderful man, and I have no desire to be with a woman.

Crash! Down comes another myth we've been told.

Of course your sexuality can change, Faline, if your mind is open enough to accept changes.

Happens to a lot of people.

But I don't think it can be changed by outside force. It has to stem from a need that is not being met.

Sexuality is not black and white, though many would lead us to believe it is. It's all shades of gray (maybe I should say it's all shades of the rainbow?). We are who and what we are and that can be anywhere on that continuum. If you're happy, that's all that matters.

And now I can play wing(wo)man for you...I'm better at getting men than women. They're much easier ;)

The elephant in the room, make no mistake.

If it challenges pet theories formed on the evidence of the gay community then so be it. We have some common ground with them, but this ain't part of it.

Personally I recognise that I have this capability within me. Not something I want to have to come to terms with, as someone happily married it's a stress I could do without. But for me to deny it might happen would be crazy.

It's a question that comes up in my house from time to time. My esposa likes to do sexuality checks just to make sure I still prefer women. And I do. But I am clear with her that I have a different view towards men in that I now have the capacity to find them attractive. What I do not have is the inclination or desire to have a relationship with one because I am far more attracted to women and the idea of a relationship with a man is simply a non-starter for me.

Orthodoxy is a dangerous thing because it closes minds. No one can tell you that you've always had a latent attraction to men because it's not their place to do so unless they are operating from a position that you must be who they want you to be in their paradigm. But all paradigms eventually shift one way or another. Common thought is fluid and fickle.

Oh, and I'm glad you've chosen to keep blogging :D


Yeah I agree that they think that if it can be changed via hormones/transition then the fundementalist christians will think "there is a CURE!" . Ick.

I had the same experience though...but when I thought about it, I actually had never given men a chance before so I just kind of go with the fact that for me it was probably always there buried deep but it never felt right as a guy.

Meanwhile, I had constant examples (my parents for one) of the fact that I was expected to be with women...so I went with that

@Ariel... clearly, my clock is ticking. ;)

@Diana... anything to put a bee in Bailey's bonnet.

@Jamie... yes, and the "can't be changed by outside force" is what keeps us safe from the evangelicals.

@Angel... all that said, I'd still love to know how it happens. and congratulations on being engaged!! you give me hope.

@Ashley... yup! it is a continuum. One that I am not at an extreme end of, by the way. Everyone needs a challenge once in a while, just to keep things interesting.... ;)

@Jenny... I hope for your and your wife's sake, that it doesn't happen to you. Out of your hands, though....

@Tasha... hmm, "sexuality checks." Tell me more!

@Jerica... if you feel it was buried, then it probably was! Different feeling for me.

Do you know who Joshua Jackson is? (he plays Peter of Fringe). Well, I think he's cute. So she'll ask me if he showed up, would I run off with him. I tell her that I think Anna Torv is cute as well, but I wouldn't run off with her either.




Please use your imagination and come up with something better!! :)

I've got a better sexuality test for you Faline. But there's no way I'm posting it in public. ;-)

She takes me to Chippendale's and buys me lap dances and watches for a reaction. :D


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