I have had this blog in draft for a while, months, actually, but never posted it. It seems appropriate now.
I've read quite a few blogs by women in similar situations to mine; transitioning with young children and an ex-spouse who is less than supportive. What I haven't read in several of these blogs is how they are fighting. Fighting for their children. The ex threatens to take them to court and these people go down with nary a whimper. A blog of one such woman was featured months ago. With the requisite patting-you-on-the-head-there-there-it'll-be-ok comments from the peanut gallery. She agreed to only be seen with her children far away from their town. I don't think that sends the right message to your children. I think it teaches them that being trans is shameful and something that should be hidden away. I think it teaches them that their parent isn't willing to stand up and fight for them.
It seemed that she just put her hands in her lap, sighed, and said, "well, there's nothing I can do about it." To be fair, I do not know the whole story. To read the particular blog entry though, it sounded like she was resigned to the fact that there wasn't much she could have done about it at the time.
There *is* something you can do about it. Fight. Do not tolerate the views of an ignorant bigot, even if that ignorant bigot happens to be the biological mother of your children. Do not let that ignorant bigot stand in the way of your relationship with your children. You call yourself a woman? Then stand the hell up for your children. They deserve that.
No woman would give her children up without a fight.
There's a situation going on right now involving my kids and ex-wife, which is going to end up in court. My ex-wife is trying to get all of my parental rights revoked. I don't have the inclination or energy to go into it in detail, so I will not be writing about it.
But you damn well better believe that I'm going to fight.
Posted by
Faline
6 comments:
Good for YOU, Faline. They are YOUR children. Of course you are prepared to fight to keep them.
That's what love is about. And I know you have all the love in the world for your kids.
Good for you and Good for your children. And you are 100% right. A woman would fight for her children. Thanks for writing this. This has been and unspoken elephant in the room for a long time on the blogs, etc.
I know that I've been trying to figure out what I would/should do if/when such a moment comes. If I am really a woman, I will fight for my children. Thanks for the clarity.
I hope you win and win in spades.
Karin (IJAGIT)
Faline - take no prisoners. There is no thing more valuable to a child's well-being than the benefit of the love of a parent. Period.
Yes, by all means you do have to fight for your kids! Kids really need two parents and that is not negotiable... but, and in not knowing the particulars but having been there...
Remember that their needs always come first and so if it requires that you suck up your own hurt so they can have two parents who are not fighting over them... then you will have to be the bigger person and suck up the hurt!
Your kids will one day thank you for that!
*hugs* good for you girl. I wish you the best and hope that what's RIGHT triumphs over bigotry.
Post a Comment