As you've no doubt heard a million times today, we had an earthquake. For an encore, Mother Nature will throw Hurricane Irene at us this weekend. Events with the potential to screw things up. So I'm taking this opportunity to vent about some of the things which are screwing with my head these days. I'll be having surgery in about 2 1/2 months and while it's obviously a wonderful thing, it's a stressful thing. I'm a little concerned about the amount of leave I'll have to take without pay, as well as how much I will be able to see my children for the first month or so of recovery. I have offers from certain family members to come help, which I'll probably take them up on. Speaking of my kids...
About three weeks ago, I came home at lunchtime to find a notice on the front door from the county Court. My ex-wife, as I alluded to in my last post, filed a motion for a hearing to have all of my parental rights revoked. And of course her pleadings are all related to my transition. So I've retained an attorney, and while ultimately I have confidence that at the very least I'll have the same amount of time with them as I do now, it's a stressful thing.
Work is going well although it's been crazy the past month. I'm fully billable. I also volunteered for a pro bono project which a team of 7 of us work on outside of normal work hours. Our company does these projects for non-profits, which otherwise wouldn't be able to afford us. Anyway, the other technical resource on our team was booted from the team for non-performance, leaving little ol' me to do all his work. I was also getting pressure from the higher-ups in the company to get this certain technical certification, so while I wasn't thinking about surgery, meeting with my attorney, spending time with the kids, or working on the pro bono project, I studied for the certification exam. I passed the exam and our pro bono client was thrilled with my work. It all ended well, but it has weighed on me.
And as well as my transition is going, let's face it. It's still transition and it sucks. The loneliness is rough... it'd be nice to go on a date or have someone to cuddle with... ugh... it's been, um... I think over three years now, but I just don't want to get into all that until after I'm recovered from surgery. Pre-op dating is not for me.
All this at once has been a lot to deal with. I've not been sleeping well again. For a while there, I was doing well with sleep, 7 or 8 hours. Lately, I'm back to 5 or 6. Have had this pit in my stomach for 3 or 4 weeks now to the point where I constantly feel like I'm going to puke. Especially when I eat. I keep wondering when it will all be over and the issues I face in life will be similar to those that a "normal" person faces. I think 2013. I don't feel sorry for myself here; it's all just a lot! I have a ton of great stuff going for me and I appreciate it all. It just gets tiring being continually focused on the big picture.
5 comments:
You are correct. transition IS a major PITA.
Having said that...This too shall pass.
anne
I have been praying daily for you and you children, that everything will work out to all of your best interests. Looks like things aren't terrible. I also pray that your ex wife will exhibit the Christian values you say she purports to have. It's sad to say that some Christians don't seem to get the Love of Christ in their hearts. She is only going to hurt the children and ultimately herself in the end. Those children NEED both their parents.
I know...it seems that all I ever say is that I'm praying for you, but we all need prayer in our lives. Without it...we're lost. Please accept my meager offerings.
I'll be praying that the incoming hurricane won't be too severe. Hope the earthquake didn't cause you any damage.
Prayers and Hugs,
Cynthia
Faline,
Congratulations on the big pro-bono project and the accolades that came with it. I hope the coming days get easier and more restful as you get closer and closer. Seeing your kids as much as you have had will help make things better.
It will be interesting to see if after surgery, your Ex backs off a bit. Maybe she is "losing it" as inevitability lurches forward?
Best,
Karin
@Anne... yes, it is. Once you're past the initial "glow" of being able to be yourself, once the novelty has worn off, one pretty much just wants to get back to a normal life. Whatever that is. And it will pass.
@Cynthia... thank you for your prayers and thoughts. My X likes to quote the Bible and use lots of He's and Him's in her writing, but her behavior isn't reflective of those values.
@Karin... Yes, I've considered that. A couple months back, she told me that my surgery was going to upset her so much that she didn't know if she'd be able to work. I suppose trying to get me to postpone or cancel. As if. And now this. One attorney I met with suggested that she was trying to bankrupt me so I wouldn't be able to have surgery. She's an incredibly manipulative woman.
Unfortunately, many people quote the Bible but don't understand it. I rarely quote it...I, just try to understand what God is saying and live by it. If, by some chance, I can share that love and understanding with another person, I love to do so. I can ONLY TRY to live and demonstrate the love that Jesus Christ has shown me. This is why you hear me say that I pray for so many here. I truly am sincere in this endeavor. If I can be of some assistance to anyone here, please, just let me know how.
I will continue to pray that your ex will eventually understand that Jesus Christ loves unconditionally. One only has to accept and receive Him as their personal savior, by faith. It is a FREE gift.
As well, I pray for your success with keeping your parental rights.
Hugs and Prayers,
Cynthia
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