accept. embrace. live.

Thinking and wondering... do I really have gender identity disorder? Let's see. The diagnostic criteria are...

1. Strong and persistent cross-gender identification
Been cross-dressing in one way, shape or form since I was 6. It has ebbed and flowed, but it has been pretty much a constant in my life. And at times, it has been very strong. Check.

2. Persistent discomfort about one's assigned sex or a sense of inappropriateness in the gender-role of that sex
I've always felt more comfortable around women. I don't think I've ever really felt like one of the guys. My close friends have pretty much all been women. When, especially lately, I am around guys sharing "war stories" about women, the first thought that comes to my mind is "Pigs." Discomfort? Perhaps. I have a discomfort with my male body. I don't hate it, but there are things I'd like to change about it. Personality-wise, I kind there is some discomfort in the fact that I can't really "let myself go," like restraining certain innate characteristics. Check, kind of.

3. The diagnosis is not made if the individual has a concurrent physical intersex condition.
I don't have Kleinfelter's, nor am I a hermaphrodite. Check.

4. Clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
This one is hard to say. I don't think I can honestly say I've ever felt 100% happy, or content. I definitely think there have been times where I have isolated myself because of this... the gender stuff definitely impacted the dissolution (albeit indirectly) of my marriage. There were many times when I would wait for my wife to fall asleep and I'd then sneak out of the house and go driving cross-dressed... end up getting only 2-3 hours of sleep, for example. I ran up about $20,000 in credit card debt when I first started working, mostly by buying women's clothing, purging, and repeating. There have been times when I have been obsessed with gender stuff. In college, during Senior Week, my friends all lived in townhouses, I lived in the dorms. During that week, all the underclassmen were gone and I was literally the only one in the dorm. I didn't go to any Senior Week stuff... I isolated myself in the dorm and cross-dressed all week. I've done some things that I am not very proud of, trying to express this other side of me... in a way that is not healthy. Not sure if any or all of this is "clinically significant distress," or not.

Might be a case where the whole is greater than the sum of its' parts. Meaning when I look back at all the crap in my life caused by this, I think it is significant. Check?

So, I am pretty sure that I have GID. Like, 90% sure.