accept. embrace. live.

The last couple of days I've been wondering something like "I wonder what's going to become of me?" I wonder if I'll have the guts to transition. I wonder how my relationship with my kids will be. I wonder if I am going to end up alone. I wonder if someday I'll look back at this year and think wow, that was the year that changed my life for the better! or wow, that was the year I completely f***ed up my life!

For Xmas, my aunt got me this plant-in-a-box. You water it, put it in the sun, and after a while, it blooms. It grew a lot bigger than I thought it would, a lot faster than I thought it would. The buds appeared about a week ago. Yesterday the first flower opened up. There were 7 more buds yet to open. It was really starting to become pretty... the lone feminine thing in my otherwise bachelor-looking townhouse, which btw, I am starting to hate.

I got home from work, and my plant on the kitchen floor. It fell off the counter. The plant is pretty much destroyed, the buds broke off, etc. It grew too much too fast and I didn't put stakes in it, or whatever you're supposed to do, to make sure this doesn't happen. And the past couple days I'd walk past it and notice it was really leaning... I almost knew it was going to fall, but I didn't do anything about it, I just let it fall.

I'm normally not one to read into stuff, or think that someone is trying to tell me something, but the symbolism is hard to ignore. Stupid plant. I actually started crying.

I don't feel like cleaning it up right now.