accept. embrace. live.

For Thanksgiving, I'm taking my kids up NY to visit family. This will be the first time that they will be seeing the real me. I visited in August with the kids and presented androgynously. Not this time. I'm not sure how I feel about this trip. I'm looking forward to spending the time with my kids but the whole family thing I view with trepidation. I suspect my family feels similar. I felt like the trip was going to be OK, but there have been a couple things that I'm not going to go into here that have set me back a little bit. Thank God my kids are coming.

My family is trying but at times things are said to me that shows me that the speaker Just.Doesn't.Get.It. For example, with respect to the preschool thing, one comment I got from a family member was "I can see where she's coming from." I've been told it is strange that I have donated my old male clothing. I could go on and on with this, but I will stop. Won't do me any good. Instead, I shall think about family members who do get it.

I am supposed to go up there for Xmas, without the kids, and I am trying hard to not think about it. I'm trying hard to wait and see how this trip goes before making self-fulfilling prophecies about how the next trip will go. I say self-fulfilling prophecies because I believe that the more of an issue people make about my trans-ness, the more of an issue it will be. I've said that to people. I am trying hard to follow my own advice. The more I build up in my head and/or write about how stressful these trips are going to be, the more stressful they will be. *I* need to make this a good trip. It is under my control. I shall stop writing now.