Dear Shar,

May I call you Shar?  I feel like we're old friends, after all we've been through together, without even meeting in person. "Ms. Lander" seems somewhat formal, and I fear that I would misspell "Sharlene," as you misspelled my name on your first email to me.  Really, Shar.  "Teigan?"  Tut, tut. I hope you don't teach spelling at school, Shar. My little joke!! Anyway, Shar, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your most recent email, where you banned me from the school premises. Despite that, you showed your kindhearted nature by allowing me to drop my son off at car line. Always the practical one, Shar.  I promise not to so much as poke my head out of the window, for fear of creating "an environment contrary to the expectations of the majority of the parent community."

I'm very glad, Shar, that you hope you have not offended me. That warms my little perverted transsexual heart. I feel much better now about your statement that the other parents likely have different values than I do. And infinitely much better about you referring to me as a "transsexual male," or referring to my situation as being based in "gender-sexuality" (???). I understand and appreciate, Shar, that in the past, "there have been occasions where the children’s daily routine has been disrupted due to behavior issues associated with their parents." Rest assured, Shar, that the children will not have to be subjected with the behavior associated with transsexualism. I must admit that I don't quite understand what the "behavior" is, but between friends, we'll let that one slide. We are friends, right, Shar?

I also appreciate your admission of the fact that you "do not pretend to know the difficulties that you may face or the challenges that lay ahead" with our alternative family situation. Your concern means so so much to me, Shar. As your friend, I would love to educate you. One big reason we face challenges, the biggest, in fact, is because there are a lot of ignorant bigots like you out there... whoopsie!!! My bad. Between friends, why don't you let that one slide as well. "I hope I have not offended you." ;)

Allow me to rephrase, mon amie. Children are the most accepting creatures on the planet. This acceptance begins to erode when adults, who are threatened by things they do not understand, and worse yet, make no effort to understand, make value judgments about people they've never met and know next to nothing about. It is at that point that parental and/or school influence take over, the children grow up, and the cycle continues. I would have thought as the vastly-experienced preschool administrator you are, that you would understand this, Shar.

Of course... as a vastly-experienced preschool administrator, you also realize that some parents would call the school, and demand the removal of the offending parent, or her student. Taking a stand against this would cause the school to lose money, wouldn't it, Shar? Those conservative Republican parents, living in of one of the richest locales in the country, probably wouldn't understand it, Shar. They'd be threatened by me, Shar. And you know that. This is much easier. Your school is a private, for-profit enterprise, and that must be protected. You're a great businesswoman, Shar.

I promise to do my part to protect your business, my dear friend. When people ask, I promise to evangelize on your behalf, Shar. I will tell any and all who ask that this school is a place where your children will be safe from the different values that I possess, values that will surely corrupt them. I will be certain to tell them that your school in no way teaches children that differences are OK; that the students will be protected from such dangerous thoughts. And should they ask for proof, I will simply show them your emails. I cherish the emails you have sent me, Shar. With my help, you may even be able to raise tuition, Shar! Indeed, you *are* a great businesswoman. I think it will warm prospective parents' hearts to read this letter and hope that someday they too, will share the congenial relationship that you and I are blessed with.

Finally, Shar, even if I did have a choice in the matter, I'd never pull my son from your school! What better place for my son. What better place than the loving, caring, supportive-of-those-who-are-similar environment that you foster, as the head of the school.


P.S. Let's do lunch soon, girlfriend!! I bet you're very curious about what kind of food transsexuals eat.


This one hurts to read Faline. I can only imagine how it feels to write.

The sad truth is that not everyone will accept us no matter how we approach them. We're ready to face that ourselves, but once it hits our kids it's hard not to buckle. I hope you can weather the emotional storm. It can't be easy.

It's good that people see the sadness, humor, and anger in this. It's all in there. I am trying to get some of the emotion out via humor, although it is bitterly sarcastic. It's incredibly frustrating. I have to remind myself that I will have far more influence on my children than these people ever will.

It's tough.

I loved the sarcastic humor you have created and at the same time hurt by what you have been put through.

Hugs, Elly

Love the way you wrote it. I am a big fan of your bitter sarcasm! :)

Ooooooooooo! You let that swine really have it! (Sorry, swine--you're much better than that) Let 'er have it!

I would appreciate it if you read my blog, The blog is a virtual compendium of articles from newspapers, newsweeklies, and magazines, both popular and scholarly. The articles have a viewpoint toward transgender / transsexual news. If you like it, please put
"Emily's virtual rocket "under the title commonly called
"Blogroll". Thank you so much!



What a great entry. I can't say that you've captured every emotion you must be feeling, becasue I don't know exacatly what you must be feeling, but your biting sarcasm is teriffic. Like I said on that other forum, this really sucks. Chin up.

I'm posting under anonymous because I don't have an account, but I am,

-David Tri's

Faline, Is it a private school. Is a school even allowed to do ban a parent?


I love the sarcasm in this reply and have a secret wish you'd really post it :)
I also understand the hurt, my daughter is a transgirl.
In Australia you would have a good case for the Antidiscrimination board.

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