The last time I was in a group of women who didn't "know," I didn't do so well. I capitulated and told them I was trans, so I didn't have to deal with all the "do they know? am I getting read?" thoughts that kept running through my mind. This past Sunday, my friend Gail texted me in the afternoon and asked if I'd like to come to this thing with a group of around 20-or-so people to listen to live music. I was happy to be invited... Gail is the first new friend I've made in the course of transition. I looked forward to seeing her and seeing what I had learned from my last cup of fail when it came to meeting new people.
I was pretty nervous as I approached the door... "What are you doing? You've never been good in situations where you don't know people. You don't like these kind of things. Everyone is going to read you. You should have backed out of this." I told myself to get a grip and HTFU. I told myself that when people meet me and talk to me, they like me. And if worse came to worse, there was Guinness. :)
I'm not going to bore the pants off everyone with all the minutia of the evening, but as it turned out, I thought I did pretty well. I didn't feel the need to blurt out my "secret" to anyone, didn't feel fake or that I was pretending to be someone I wasn't, didn't sense that anyone read me. 'Twas a fun night... I sat around with a bunch of women and we talked about Kegels, about how men never talk about anything, about websites to meet platonic girlfriends, about music, about how one should always keep salsa in the car in case you encounter a hot guy carrying a bag of chips, and how to get out of sex when you're trying to get pregnant, but hubby doesn't understand the concept of "I'm not ovulating." I kept quiet and just smiled during that last topic. ;) I chatted with one woman in particular quite a bit, and when I was leaving, she said that the 3 of us ought to get together sometime. Turned out to be a great night. I'm so glad I went.
I'm slowly but surely getting more comfortable with myself. Getting better at winning the mental battles that one fights with herself when she is presented with new situations. Wow, that sounded overly dramatic and self-indulgent. Sheesh. Get over yourself, Faline. Let's try that again.
I had a nice evening out with some friends. Very cool.
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Faline
8 comments:
Well done, Faline. You've entered the journeywoman stage in getting beyond it all. Being still very much the apprentice, I was over at a friend's place this last weekend and she knows, but still complimented my hair as we were leaving. I, being not great at the whole compliment thing, blurted out that some of it was the wig and that some was me and the drove away cursing myself to just take the compliment with a smile.
Go ahead and be dramatic and self-indulgent. You deserve it :D
xoxo
Oh, and what's a Kegel?
It's an exercise that women do to exercise their pelvic muscles. Especially while pregnant, helps strengthen things up for childbirth. There are other good NSFW reasons which I won't go into... ;)
NSFW???
Sorry, I just found out last week what MILF means. I don't get out much or watch TV as much as I apparently need to. ; )
- Karin
Hang in there, Faline....Baby steps.
Sounds like this time went much better than last time. It takes time and practice to be comfortable in situations like that, as yourself. It's a lot to get used to at once! But you did great.
Thanks for reminding me to exercise my kegels. :)
Yeah I need to practice kegels soon =P
Do you want my salsa recipe?
:)
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