This morning, I woke up crying. I've no idea what I was crying about in my dream, but when I woke up I was crying. The pillow was wet. That's never happened to me before, at least that I recall. I tend to try and find meaning in such things. I suppose it means I'm stressed and upset. I find that I'm overly jumpy lately, too. A month and change ago, I came home at lunch to find that motion on my door; two weeks later, another motion. Now I'm continually checking the front door, like I'm waiting for something else to happen. You know the dashboard fuel light? Today mine lit up when I was driving and I almost launched myself through the sunroof.
We were supposed to have a pre-trial hearing tomorrow morning in my custody case, and it was continued (postponed) this afternoon. Without going into detail, we needed to have the continuance granted, and it wasn't clear until the last moment that it would be. So I've spent the last day or so stressing about that. Hopefully the legal stuff won't continue to be so stressful between now and November 7th.
A good friend of mine will be having surgery with Dr. Chettawut about 10 days after my surgery. She's visiting in a couple weekends. I have two weekends with the kids, and one to get things done (this weekend), and that's all she wrote. I feel like there are million things to do between now and then.
I'm very much looking forward to the 11 days I'll be spending in Montreal. Other than keeping in touch with the kids and letting a few select people know how I am doing, I'm going to maintain radio silence while I'm up there. I'm not going to write much here, if at all. I'm not going to post updates on Facebook. When I return, I have a friend who has been through this before coming to stay for a week, and subsequent to that another friend who's also been through this staying for another week. That will be time that I am required to focus on my recovery and my physical health. Hopefully it'll give me the mental break I need to push through to this custody trial in January.
Wow, this blog entry is incredibly disjoint. I appear to have lost my ability to write cohesively. Apropos, I guess. That's all for now.
Posted by
Faline
5 comments:
Apropos indeed..
Hang in there! Sending all available good vibes your way. :c)
== K
You're actually doing amazingly well considering all you're going through. Give yourself credit for that! And try to keep breathing.
Great minds think alike....my thoughts, exactly.....KEEP BREATHING.
The crying, waking from a dream is a natural stress reliever. Also healthy and natural. Just keep BREATHING, maybe a it of yoga or some good running.
These legal issues MUST get put on hold. This is NO TIME for added stress. Hang in there. You need to go in there as strong as you can.
Anne
Ok, while we're dreaming here - I am going to hold the vision of the ex just dropping all this legal crap - stranger things have happened, and you surely deserve it. You are one of the most wonderful, nurturing parents I know, and I'd be happy to leave my son with you any time!
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