I had a post up here a couple days ago entitled "30 days." which came off a little more depressing-sounding than I intended, so I removed it. So now we have this one. Apparently I've released myself from the pressure of coming up with interesting blog titles. :) The week was stressful. I had a good cry on Friday afternoon, which I *really* needed. That sums up the "30 days." post. You didn't miss much. :)
Ended up having a pretty good weekend. With quite a few reminders that although life is a roller coaster lately, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Friday night I went out with a group to celebrate my friend Benet's birthday. I've known Benet for almost 14 years. I also told her that I thought I might actually be a woman about a year into our friendship. The GNO was great, although one member of our group, Jorleen (geez... can't I think of better fake names??!?!) kept misgendering me. Over and over. It's weird... Jorleen is very accepting; in fact, she went to the ladies' room with me, but she keeps screwing up the pronouns. I've known her for around 10 years, and I tend to cut people who've known me for so long a little slack, but it was very aggravating. Especially given the fact that there were people in the group whom I met that evening. On one hand, it's hard to imagining letting everyone go, but when I read blog entries like Jen's latest, I find myself nodding my head. All that said, the night was far and away an overall good. We're all going out again to send me off the week before I fly out to Montreal.
Had electrolysis on Saturday. then walked around Old Town for a while and sat by the river for about an hour, watching the water. Water calms woman. Today, I installed new drapes and shades in the kids' bedroom, found a cozy and versatile cardigan at Nordy's, and got a lot of cleaning done. The installation took two trips to Lowe's and one to Target. At Target, one of the women working there was very very friendly to me. Very chatty. I like it when women get chatty with me. It's still novel. And it reminds me of the future. Got an awesome voice message from S&G, him saying that he wanted to come to my house and her saying the she loved me "very, very, very much hugs and kisses hugs and kisses."
After my electrolysis appointment on Saturday, I was talking about my week and its' stress, and that I was frustrated that I'm 40 and I don't have all that much to show for it; how I feel as if I ought to have accomplished more in life. Here I am approaching middle-age and I'm fighting to keep my children and otherwise basically starting from zero. Less than zero, if you include debt. Giselle listened and then told me a story about her son, who has 4 children, a wife who (according to Giselle) is useless, and at this point, his life is the same every day. He doesn't have things that one typically points to as "accomplishments." She pointed out that sometimes it's a big accomplishment to simply continue putting one foot in front of the other and doing what one needs to do to get to the next day. And to her, it matters not that he doesn't have a giant home or take fancy trips or a huge bank account; she finds him courageous simply for living his life. Of course, there's a lesson there for me.
So, dear reader, although I have a lot of stress, there's a lot of good, and I am aware of it. The next time you see an angst-filled post here with links to the latest song which made me bawl, you have my permission to roll your eyes and think, "good lord, there she goes again."
6 comments:
No worries, as long as you link to good songs. (Some things just can't be forgiven...) ;c)
Hapy to hear you had a nice weekend!
== K
Maaaavelous! ;-)
Love the cardigan!
My screensaver at work reads "It's not that long" in reference to the amount of time until the end of the year. For you, it's within reach. Keep your chin up, don't smoke and know you're loved.
xoxo
That Giselle is a wise woman ;)
Absolutely loving that cardigan! I'm a sucker for cozy, comfy things too. Kurt calls them my 'grandma' clothes. I think it'll look mahh-velous on you since you're taller as well. I look stumpy in that stuff.
I enjoyed your entry. Smart, witty writing. :)
Honey?
Right now? Try to focus on your surgery and nothing else... There's a whole lot you will have to process, both before and after and besides... There's gonna be lots and lots and lots of time for you to ponder the other things while you lay there for hours dilating!
But to answer your question, Jen has it spot on... Your own experience with "Jorleen" seconds that... Yes, Jorleen was accepting... as are most anyone you will meet who known your history, and no she was not trying to be mean nor was she being stupid. She was just reacting honestly to the fact that we humans create narratives in our head to explain the world around us. You changing your sex doesn't fit into hers but you as a guy in a dress does... Sadly that's the norm for most people and the primary reason we keep it to ourselves...
But nuff about that! Cause by my count it's now 27 days left to go and they will be here and gone in the blink of an eye!
MKIA
*hugs* 28 days! Time for zombies! Oh wait that's 28 days later...maybe it's the sandra bullock film for getting over alcoholism? *giggle*
Yeah people from the old life....I can't say I hang around with too many of them myself anymore. Many of them made it easy though by no longer contacting me ;) Just how it goes and prob for the better. The misgendering does get old fast...thank God it barely happens at work anymore.
I recently have gotten the feeling that I haven't accomplished much as I just turned 30 yesterday. It's kind of a wakeup call to start living! hehe. Then again YOU have kids....that's a HUGE thing to show for yourself IMHO.
Hope everything goes well with custody and surgery soon!
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