So ever since the night I went up to the GIG in Baltimore as Faline, I've always wanted to go out shopping or whatever as her. There was always something in the way... bad time of day, too much beard shadow, my face looks too fat, yada yada yada. So I had a free night tonight and decided to dress up, and if I was comfortable with the way I looked, go shop.

So I got dressed up... and I wasn't all *that* comfortable with the way I looked... but... I thought to myself, you know, sometime you have to do this.  You have to go, and see what it feels like.  What's the worst that could happen?  Some stranger snickers at you?  So off I went.  Strangely, I didn't feel all that nervous driving over.  Got there, went into Lord & Taylor... and it wasn't exhilarating, or exciting, or scary, or anything I thought it might be.  It felt... normal.

It was just nice to leisurely poke through clothes, try on bracelets, try on coats, without getting weird looks from people.  And the surprising part to me, was that I didn't get weird looks.  Which I am still pretty surprised at.  Well, I got one or two, maybe.  But no eyes-popping-out-of-the-head looks.  To me, it is very obvious that I am not a genetic female.  I didn't venture into the dressing rooms... not because of fear, but because I didn't really find anything that I thought I might buy.  Gotta watch my money.  And also, this trip wasn't about "clothes" per se... it was about going out in public as I perceive that I want, and seeing how it felt.  I did find one coat at Lord & Taylor that I really liked... but it cost something like $160.  Can't afford that.

I kept my head up, looked people in the eye, smiled, and acted like I belonged there.  Which I do, of course, but you know what I mean.  Women smile... they keep their heads up... I walked confidently and casually.  I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

Then I headed down to JCPenney and found a cute bracelet.  Went over to a register and the guy says, "Sorry ma'am, we're not open, you can go over to that one."  Totally normal... just what I had hoped for.  Treated me like anyone else.  I did find a few things at JCP that I wanted to try on, so I did.  I liked one of the tops, but didn't get it... this purple sequiny ruched sleeveless top, but I don't know where I would wear it.  I might go back and get it, though... one of my GG friends has mentioned going into DC together sometime.  That'd be fun.

Was going to go to one more store, but decided that this was a great first experience, and that I would call it a night.

What I found with this... as I am finding with everything as I keep exploring, is that it's not the big deal I make it out to be in my head.  My therapist always says "you know, people might surprise you!" when I fret about how someone might react to this, or that.  I keep getting consistently surprised... in a good way.

N.B.: When I say it felt "normal," this is not the same as meh... whatever.  I'm really happy with how things went.  The fact that it felt normal to me, makes me really happy.


Congrats on going on your first solo female shopping trip. As a transgendered woman who often goes out shopping by herself, I do understand how this all felt normal to you. That is because it is indeed normal as you are being true to your self. I can certainly say that when I am oput shopping, it is indeed normal to me as I am just being who I truly am inside. It is such a wonderful experience to be able to browse through clothing racks, try on shoes, and just be the woman that I am. I can also say that I have never encountered any problems, prolonged stares, etc. Of course, I do dress as any natal woman does when she is shopping just as you did as evidenced by your picture. Continue to enjoy who you are!

Welcome to freedom. I remember going into a Target enfemme for the first time. I spent 10 minutes looking at makeup without anybody event thinking twice. I was free, no more nervous, furtive sideways glances. No "What's he doing here" concerns. I was where I was supposed to be, doing what is ok, more so, actually encouraged, to do.

The other key and Kristina hit it on the head, and I think this is true for most of us who are TS as opposed to CD is that we just want to be normal and fit in. Thus when you dress and present like your age, and those of other women like you, nobody makes any mind of you. And that is a very good thing.


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