Last night at the support group meeting someone asked how to handle situations such as when you're out, and someone gives you a really wide-eyed look, or says something not-so-nice.  One of the members of the group said that she, in essence, fights fire with fire, says things like, "oh, so you have a problem with people from Kentucky?"  (I guess she is from Kentucky??)

I think this is terrible advice, and I said so.  Get threatened, and be antagonistic back.  Yeah, really smart.  Nothing like exacerbating the situation.  (I was a little more diplomatic about it in the meeting)

My advice?  Just smile.  Give them a big smile.  Not a sarcastic smile, a genuine one.  The first time I was out en femme, I was in JCPenney, and a couple approached.  I got read.  The woman kind of gasped, and I just looked her straight in the eye and smiled.  She got this sheepish, almost embarrassed look on her face.  Then I looked at the guy she was with and smiled at him.  He gave me this almost knowing nod... I wondered for a moment, if he was one of us.  And on we then went, about our business.

So, just smile.  Turn the other cheek, so to speak.  Advice from the inexperienced woman in the group.  Yes, it's simplistic, and there are of course times when "just a smile" won't cut it.  But, it's certainly preferable than jabbing back, I think.


I couldn't agree with your "just smile" approach more. Not only does eye contact with a smile "disarm" the person engaged in the long stare or the comment, it also shows that person that you are confident and proud of who you are. This is the approach I take in those rare occasions when I am faced with similar circumstances and thus far, I have never had a bad response. Finally, and importantly, responding to contact of any type with a smile is a feminine response and it just goes to reinforce our true gender.

Ding! Spot on, could not add more other than to say you have hit it on the head. And thanks for reminding me of that again...

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