So I've been cross-dressing in one way, shape, or form since about age 6... dressing in secret at home, or the occasional shopping trip in my version of "en femme" doesn't seem to be enough. I've accepted the fact that I am more than "just a crossdresser," but I don't know what that more is. So now at age 38 (!) I feel that I'm ready and willing to really explore it. Actually, it's not that I am willing to explore it... I really want to explore it! I got my ears pierced about a week ago... had an appointment with a gender therapist about a week ago, and I think the next step I will take is facial hair removal. I have a couple consultations scheduled with places in the area... will get an idea of cost, and hopefully pick one.

When I look back at my life, I don't think I've ever really been happy, or content. I've not been really unhappy... as I described to my therapist, I don't necessarily feel like a "woman trapped in a man's body," but I have always felt unsettled. All the things that I see as major problems or issues in my life... smoking, trouble with relationships, incurring lots of debt... this sometimes very angry side of me... I can trace it all back to this. I think that allowing myself to explore this in a healthy way will be a good thing for me.

Am I a woman? Am I a guy who likes to appear feminine? Am I neither? I really have no idea right now. But dressing in secret, participating in anonymous online forums, going out to the store or shopping while making no attempt to hide the fact I'm male, won't help me figure things out. I need to run with this for now and see where it goes... and deal with things as they come, or don't.


I have just begun reading your posts, and already I can relate more than I can put in words. I can't wait to read more!

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When I transitioned, there just weren't too many blogs out there written by straight, transitioned women. Well, here's one.

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