I'm in a pissy mood. Over time, you get tired of these reminders of the fact that you weren't born the way that you would have liked to. I've had too many of these reminders recently.
One of them occurred the other night. I was out with a friend, a married friend. We were talking about her husband. I asked her if he at all had an issue with us hanging out. She said that he had a bit of an issue, but he was "working on it and trying," and then she went on to say (I think hypothetically speaking) that if he did come to her and say that she and I couldn't hang out, since he was her husband, she'd have to tell me we couldn't hang out. I asked her if it would be different for a friend who wasn't trans; would she tell him "no" if this was a cisgender friend?
She answered that she probably would tell him "no." I just kind of gave her this blank look and changed the subject. Not exactly the spot on the totem pole that I hoped that I had. At least she was honest, I guess. On the other hand, it saddens me to hear her acknowledgement of the fact that she would, and probably does, treat me differently than others, because I am a transsexual. And sadly, this is the person with whom I'm closest at the moment. The only person that I spend much meaningful time these days. I'm trying not to let it color the friendship; she's reached out to me multiple times, been supportive, but it's hard to put this out of my head. I feel a little differently after hearing that.
I suppose it's not so much an indictment of her as a person as it is an indictment of the fact that for people who knew you before, or who just know, you're treated differently and there's no getting around it. It's another one of those things that makes one want to start over. I'm aware of at least one other person with whom I spend very little time. At least part of the reason is because her husband has "issues" with us hanging out.
I think these men need to get over their freaking insecurities.
I'm getting pretty PO'ed at men lately. At times I wish I weren't straight. One of them just told his wife of a few years that he didn't realize the commitment he was getting into. I'm not sure what he thought the whole marriage thing was... I mean, I'm divorced, but at least when we divorced I was honest about the reasons for it. This guy controlled his wife, restricted the money, held her back from a career perspective, and then when he found someone better, started removing his wife's things from their home. I've nothing but disdain for this guy.
I don't know what the point of this post is. I guess to rant.
[/rant]
Posted by
Faline
10 comments:
Men will never understand how anyone would want to give up being a man and are therefore suspect of us. I'm sorry your friend had to qualify you as different to her husband and I hope that over time it becomes a true non-issue. Perhaps after your GRS, when you are no longer a potential rival.
xoxo
Not all men are wonderful. Some are serious creeps. Just like women, I guess. Neither sex has a monopoly on stupidity or being jerks.
In my very limited experience, I have found that most people do not, (and seemingly CANNOT) get their heads around what TRUE TRANSSEXUALIY IS. I lay the lions share of the blame for this misapprehension SQUARELY at the feet of that unholy alliance btween Gay Inc and the TG Mafia, IE the LGBTg.
Most men, as Natasha says, just can't cope with the idea. Although I have run into far more women who do get it, I would still have to say that the majority of cis-gendered individuals out there cannot accept the idea of changing genders. So sad.
Just wondering, however, why anyone, including your friend, needs to know?
Calie xx
Calie, this particular person is involved with my transition, so she knows. :) But your larger point is well-taken.
I lost a good friend because her common-law husband had issues with me. He forbade her to refer to me as a woman.
I'm sorry to read this. I don't blame you for being in a pissy mood. You deserve much better than these people are giving you. Sadly, though, it is an uphill struggle. It's definitely one reason why people find new friends and start over as much as possible. It will probably happen that you will make new friends anyway, and then anyone who can't accept you fully, indeed embrace you for who you are, becomes less important.
Anne... true. I know there are good men out there... but... it feels good to shout "I hate men!!!" once in a while. Even though I know it's not really true. :)
Teri... that's awful. I'm sorry for you. Why any woman allows a man to "forbid" her to do anything, I'll never know.
Ariel... I know... I'm sure, well, almost sure, that the reminders will pile up to a point where I just won't want to deal with those who keep reminding me. This whole thing is a process, and I expect that the scenario you describe will be a part of that process.
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Most men don't get it why go to female(mostly they think that being man is perfect and is a lot better then being woman)
I've had similar encounters with new gfs. It's frustrating...although in the case I had, my friend would probably not back down so easily from her husband about the issue.
But yeah it amazes me...considering the husband met me and never had a frickin clue. The only reason he found out was because my friend was watching some of my old videos when he walked into the room.
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