My friends Diana and Natasha have written posts in the past couple of days about the need to be one's self when transitioning. Natasha talked about the notion of "pinkness" and the very valid idea that one shouldn't be thought of as less of a woman if she eschews those things which are typically associated with women and womenhood. Diana wrote about women who compare themselves to other women in an effort to ensure they fit in. Underlying both posts is the concept that transition is all about self-discovery and self-acceptance. I concept that I agree with 100%.
That said, there's another side to this, one which you don't see talked about quite as often. I think that at times, some don't want to appear too feminine, too interested in things which are traditionally the realm of women. For if you do, you'll be labeled by some as something other than a woman. If you read blogs around T-Central, you won't find too many transsexuals who talk about things like clothes, who talk about things like shopping. Why is that? Is that because they're truly not interested in such things? For some, probably. For some, it's also probably because they fear being viewed as something other than a transsexual, or that they'll be accused of buying into the "Pink Fog." That's equally as bad as someone being accused of being male because they exhibit stereotypically male behavior.
I don't know about you, but for over 30 years, I felt wistful every time I was in the mall, every time I was at event where women dressed up, every time. It's been a part of my transition, and I have and will write about it. You better believe that I rock some pink from time to time. In fact, today I have a cute pink lacy camisole on. It's very... *gasp*.... feminine. Am I allowed to say that? :) It's a color. If people want to ascribe meaning to it, great! Knock yourself out. To be certain, "pinkness," as Natasha puts it, isn't the most important part of transition... it's the least. For some, it's not part at all. But I suspect there are those out there withholding the stereotypically feminine elements of their lives out of fear that they won't be taken seriously. No one specific, but I'm sure they're out there.
I find this all very ironic. Behave too much like a stereotypical woman, and you'll be accused of being a man. Behave too little like a stereotypical woman, and you'll be accused of being a man.
The larger point of this post is exactly the same as Diana's and Natasha's... be yourself. Whether that's a feminine woman, a not-so-feminine woman, or something in between.
Posted by
Faline
15 comments:
Good points, Faline. The fact is, I'm also wearing a pink camisole right now :D
And we don't talk about clothes as much as some of the TG or CD bloggers because they are not the focus of what we are doing. This is not to say that I have no love of clothes. Just ask my esposa. I would spend us into the poor house just on shoes!
It's not that I don't write about it out of fear of being labeled this or that. Let them label me. Who cares? I just have so much else to say :P
xoxo
I'm wearing a pink housecoat over pink jammies. Does that count? :)
My blog is not often a personal blog any more, so I tend not to go into things like how I am a total fashionista, that I always paint my toenails in the summer, that over time I've gotten really good at doing makeup, and that I cried buckets while reading The Time Traveler's Wife. I'm quite femme, and not ashamed of it!
Which doesn't stop me from being all excited that the Vancouver Canucks are in the playoffs. :)
Ariel - Congrats on the Canucks and all, but the Kings will take the Cup this year :P
@Natasha
Ha! You wish. The Sharks will win that series. :P
I'm wearing my pink PJs too! I wish there was a like button, because I couldn't agree more...
Ariel - You're probably right...I gave my brother a t-shirt for xmas a few years ago that read "L.A. Kings - Stanley Cup Champions ????" We don't believe they'll win one of the next 1000 cups...
xoxo
My pj's are black, but my robe is pink... and yes, it's 6pm and I'm still in my jammies... LOL.
Well, my pj are white pants with green, blue and brown polkadots and a lime green shirt, so there.
I am also a total fashionista and love to go shopping, especially with my spouse.
ROFLMAO....You guys, (SORRRY!!! LADIES), just blow me away! OK....can I play too? I don't wear PJ's or jammies. I sleep in the raw. When I am laying about, I usually wear sweats or shorts and a T-shirt or tank top....and I HATE PINK!
Gee...is that why you guys don't like me?
I always used to sleep in the raw. Once I started transitioning though, for whatever reason I wore PJs. I have maroon and purple. The point of this post wasn't necessarily "pink" per se, though. But I'll roll with it.
I get home from work and it's into PJs, or sweats. My sweatshirt is the only holdover piece of clothing from the old me... this huge ugly grey thing, but it's comfy. :)
The pink jammies and housecoat were for sitting at my desk working (or not). :) For me, bed is naked time. Even though I no longer have any body heat, I would still get too warm if I slept in jammies.
Like Anne, Seems as if all the men I have known in the biblical sense prefer me to sleep in the raw, so I kinda got used to it! I do have a few night qowns for when I've mixed company around
Now if it's just me and I'm feeling the need to be covered, then it's the classic mismatched cami-top, panties and fuzzy socks... Topped with my old and oh so comfortable frumpy bathrobe. The cats don't seem to mind it too much!
A Sister.
OK...so now that we have the "wardrobe issue" off the table, I would like to add my 3 cents about what might be considered "gender specific roles, or behaviors". Prior to my transition, my pre-puberty upbringing was pretty typically "BOY". I climbed trees, built model airplanes and cars, and hung out with some older boys in the neighborhood that were always fixing or modifying their cars.
I had no interest, ZERO, NADA, NONE in dolls or 'playing house'...ZIPPO, ZILCH, NOT!
Now what makes my situation somewhat 'NON-applicable' is that I spent very little time living F/T as female PRIOR to my SRS. NO...I did not strictly follow or adhere to the SOC's. I think they were still in pre-publication "editing" at the time.
Very early in my "post-op life", I lived in a small western town which sported two bars, two gas stations, a railroad maintenance facility and Coleman Tent factory. Oh an a really great ski resort. As a "newbie" in town my job options were limited to minimum wage at the tent factory, or the local cowboy bars.
It was working there, one fateful Friday night, in he midst of particularly wild and and vicious "Friday Night Brawl" between the drunk Indians and the bigger drunker railroad and county boys, that I met my "first" man.
I had missed the usual 'early warning' signs of trouble, and had failed to get outside before the bottles, chairs and bodies started flying. I was stuck cowering behind the bar thinking I was in some seriously deep shit.
Lo an behold, along comes "Mr. Beautifully Handsome" looking just as scared and terrified as I felt. After a very brief, "HOLY SHIT HONEY! WE GOTTA GET OUTA HERE! He grabbed my wrist and pulled me through the madness, out the door.
He was graduate of BYU with an MBA in Business and Accounting. He was also working as a carpenter framing houses, because he preferred working "outside with his hands". He taught me how to read plans, wield a 22oz. framing claw and build houses from the ground up.
That propitious encounter formed the basis of a lifetime passion and career. I have also worked as a fashion model and a diamond and emerald merchant and the owner and operator of a General Engineering Consulting Firm, where I proudly wore the title of "The Ice Queen, "That F**KING DYKE BITCH, or simply "that F**king BITCH. I retired well in 1997 at the ripe old age of 49.
In my book, that was not too bad for a street kid from East LA. So yes, please do excuse my indelicate language and lack of patience for "pussies". Make your own way and do not worry what others may say or think. Why does that even really matter to you?
@ Anne: That... was amazing. More please.
OK...:-) "Petulant Pussies" ;-)
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